Down... Confessionss..

I am feeling downnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn...... So down that i dont think i can be any more 'down-er'? Hmmmmmmmmm..........................

And yes, of course it have something to do with the unis and results.. What else? My life is all about my education. People just pass by, some stay while others go on their separate ways. In the end, your life is all about you and mine happens to center on my education. Friends? If it is according to my own definition, I no longer have any friends. Fortunately, the official definition according to Oxford is:

• noun 1 a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relations. 2 a familiar or helpful thing.

SO yes, I do, technically and officially, have friends. I do share 'a bond of mutual affection', as Oxford calls it, with many people. And none of those 'affections' are 'sexual' so yes, these people are my friends.

You might wonder, what does the word friend means to me then? To me, its really simple. Friends are the ones whose happiness matters more than mine and that when they are happy, i will, without any 'but's, be happy too. So does anyone in my life fits that description now? Well, except for a few family members, i can honestly say no.

What about relationships? Well, literally, i have had been involved in a few of them, but i think they are way too brief to be called a relationship. Most of them ended after one phone call. I simply ignored all the calls after that. (Yes, I do have a very severe commitment issue.) I find it VERY hard to unconditionally love and like someone. In fact, i don't think I am capable of doing so. Do I not envy other couples? The answer is a resounding "No". If they are happy, good for them. Its just not for me.

Wow, how on earth did I end up writing all these?? Well, since I have typed all these, might as well post it. So to sum it all up? If you are shocked after reading all these, then you do not know me. Uhm, I mean not the real me anyway. I tried really really hard to prevent myself from expressing my opinions so that I can fit in with others.In doing so, I think I have created and developed another 'persona'. The real me only (usually) comes out when I am alone in my room. 90% of what I says in front of the others aren't really my opinions. Rather, i believe its more to what people think I should be thinking.

The End.