Reading blogger J's entry below made me think about my own life.. So here you go, an uninteresting view of my life for the past few years..
During my lower secondary years, i was this rather boring and above average student that always pass his tests and exams and stays in the top 5 in my school but i was never the top. The top student is my best friend during that period.
After the results of the end of lower secondary regional exam was published, our school received a shocking news; our top performing student drowned at a beach. The whole school was shocked. I was personally informed by his mother and shocked was an understatement. I literally blanked out for minutes and then memories of the time we spent together flashed in my mind. At that time i felt guilty for not spending more time with him. All the promises that i have made when he was alive.. We planned to go the the same university and to build our own computers. I promised to give him some games before the exam started but i kept forgetting them.. In short, i just felt really guilty...
When the school re-opens, many events were organised in remembrance of him. I participated faithfully in each and every one of them which is really2 unlike me.
Fast forward, i was in a new class with all these new people. During the first 3 days, i kept my jokes to minimum and just smiles to others. After like a week, i realised that its useless to continue feeling all these guilt as i have tried my very best to be a good friend to him. The only thing i can do is to continue his struggle; to proof that even our school (which happenned to be among the worst in the country and was even once THE worst) can produce quality students that can compete with even the best schools. If before, he was almost our only hope, now i will try to somehow go to his level and proof that most of the country (and some teachers) that they were wrong.
Then i started analysing the education system and how i can benefit from it. I counted how many days i can be absent without failing the 85% mark so that i can take as much rest from school as possible (as honestly the government obviously do not provide enough), I realized that we are lucky that the current education system works in such a way that they allows us to easily pass and score in the public exams. Syllabus was given and by studying this together with all the past year papers thoroughly, you can pretty much guarantee yourself an A.
Forward2, O-level exam has arrived. I passed with flying colours. This is the moment when i realized my full potential. Throughout my whole life, i have always viewed myself as this rather average student with limited capability of scoring high in exams. My result shows the the other extreme end.
Then comes all the scholarship matters. There were like 3 main choices for us and i was eligible for all of them. I applied for them all and was interviewed. I screwed the interviews as it was rather sudden; never in my life have i ever even dream of getting abroad to study. All these times my plan was to study locally and work in the government with any job that they assigned me to as i don't think that ill have the chance to choose one. Now new possibilities and options emerged. Honestly i do not like options. Studies have shown that us humans do not make the right choice 85%(or something, do NOT quote me on this :) but then who are you gonna quote me as? haha ) of the time meaning that we do not choose the correct option that will maximize our potential in the future.
And fate has it, i did not get the scholarship. Although being in the top 10% in the O-level exam as i later found out in one particular event, i did not get the scholarship. That is why, ladies and gentlemen, never underestimate the power of communication and interview skills. The 2 other top students in my school were awarded the scholarships, and i was honestly and sincerely happy for them as they thoroughly deserved them (although at times i might sound and act like i dont) but I REALLY AM! :D
At college, without realising it, all my newly found friends were actually scholarship-material (lol) and ALL of them got the scholarship. It was awkward..... Before all these, all we talk about is about the scholarship but after the results came out, we basically don't have any substance to talk about haha.. Well time passed and all of them flew to UK leaving me alone. I literally have to start fresh, finding all these new people that are compatible with me. Well i found new friends, actually lots of them :). Its right then that i realized that once your expand your scope, friends can be found easily. Most of the people in my college have this attitude of being carefree in everything, including their studies. Naturally being around them, i somehow adapted to them and started being carefree in my studies. I am NOT blaming anyone but myself for this! My grade started falling drastically, although for some people its actually is pretty good, it was BAD.
Then later that year, i lost one of my sisters for kidney failure. She left one child which is my niece. It took me a few months to actually digest this news and adapt to the changes in my life. I have to say this though, i hate death, but it's part of life and all of us will die when our time comes. It is during such periods that religion provides me a sense of closure and hope. I hope and pray that she will be placed with those who is blessed by God.
College life continues, i found great friends that motivates me to work even harder and i was lucky that i met them before the AS exam. If it were not for them I would have been continuing my newly-hatched attitude of being relaxed towards exam and for sure flunked them. I started doing all the past-years and analyzed the syllabuses. AS Exam has just passed and i think(and hope) that i will get good result, God-willing.
In summary, i am thankful that i have met all these people in my life and for all the events that have occurred in my life for without them i wouldn't be who i am today.
That's it, wow such a long post! Hahahhaha, although i know nobody is gonna read this, I'll just post it anyway huhuhu...
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